U-S-C-ya later

aight. so, last night i hit I-10 after a long day at the studio and made the trek to downtown l-a-zy. i was heading, for my first time ever, to usc's campus...a place that i've envisioned and dreamed about for a long time. ever since i had an inkling that i wanted to make movies i thought for sure that i would go to either usc or nyu. it just made sense to me. well, needless to say, i didn't go to usc...or nyu. i made a nice 4-year-home for myself in fw, texas and actually had an amazing college experience.

ever since i graduated a year ago, i've been wrestling with whether or not i wanted to go back to school - grad school...no, not just grad school: FILM school. i'm a school person. plain and simple. and since moving out here (and away from the collegiate environment) i've felt...well, let's just say DUMB for lack of a more intellectual word (because, see, i'm dumb now so...yeah...you get it...)
anyway, last night as i was driving to usc, i prayed that jesus would give me a clear answer when i got there. if i am supposed to go back to film school, let me know it the moment i get on campus. if i'm not, then i want to know that, too.

well, i'm not going to go into ALL the juicy details except to say that jesus answers prayers. i know that what i was exposed to last night was probably not at all what usc film school is actually like, but it's what jesus wanted to me see to make my decision. and i've concluded i don't want to go. i'm sure if i were meant to see something that were going to compel me to go to grad school, i would have walked into a sound stage where they were shooting on 35mm and lighting with cool rigs. instead, all i was exposed to was a shoot that basically consisted of "ok, go" (meaning the camera was shooting), single takes, no lighting, no boom mic, no real care in the world to make it a legit project. that's what i saw, and that's what i needed to see.

i think that's how jesus works. he knows what we need and gives it to us. if someone wrestling with my very same question last night (whether or not to go to film school) were to have prayed to jesus for an answer and jesus knew that that person DID need to go to film school, that person would have been shown what they needed to see to make that decision. it's so sweet how jesus knows us each so personally that he makes things special...just for us.

u-s-C-YA-LATER

(ps - this post is in no way a reflection of how i feel about usc or film school in general. to be honest, i still want to go. i think jesus knew if he had shown me the big stages, awesome cameras, and creative experimental environment that i probably would have signed up for classes last night.)

i'm excited that a lot of my ole film pals from tcu are coming out to la. i have missed their energy, passion, humor, and company so much. our group really has something special, a little like zoetrope in its early days in san francisco. i know we will do big things. we just love filmmaking that much.

My favorite French Man

I heart Michel Gondry.

Get excited about his new flick. Check her out -->

no day but today

1 year
12 months
52 weeks
365 days
8760 hours
525, 600 minutes
31,536,000 seconds

How do you measure a year in the life? Is it in a moment? Is it in a song, a laugh, a smile, a memory, a kiss?

When you realize that time is running out, how will you choose to live your last moments here on Earth? That seems like a pretty loaded question and one that, I imagine, requires pause for thought. What probably requires even more thought is realizing the fact that the majority of us won't even get the luxury of actually knowing when we're going to die. We'll either go in our sleep or, God forbid, in some accident that we never saw coming and then what? We won't have time to make that list of "all the things I want to do before I die." It'll be too late. It's a scary thought, right? No, not the thought of dying - I'm talking about the thought of not really living. That's what scares me most of all.

Tonight I watched a 2 hour documentary about actor/writer/composer Jonathan Larson, the genius behind the Broadway musical sensation RENT. For those of you who aren't familiar with Jonathan's story, it's one that I'll argue is even more touching and inspiring than that of RENT itself. As I listened to Jonathan's friends and family talk about his passion and his determination, I couldn't help but be moved. Jonathan knew that he was going to do it; he was going to revolutionize Broadway and the way the world viewed musical theatre. Not only did he succeeded creatively, but RENT's social impact was equally as impressive. Set in the late 80s at a time when the AIDS epidemic was sweeping across America, RENT chronicles a year in the lives of a group of artist friends in lower east side NYC and documents their struggles with disease, homelessness, love, and loss. Even in a one sentence description of the show, you can get a sense of the immenseness of the issues that RENT aimed to explore. Today, RENT boasts worldwide acclaim and has gone on to become one of the most successful shows, both domestically and internationally, of all time. It struck a chord with the people. They saw themselves in these characters and could relate to the human drama that Jonathan had so poignantly told through song. Sadly, Jonathan himself was never able to revel in the glory of the show's success. On the night of the final dress rehearsal, Jonathan died alone in his apartment of an ruptured aorta at age 35 - less than 24 hours away from seeing the musical he had spent over 7 years creating perform its first show. The irony and eerie timing of Jonathan's death rocked the theatre community and, as you can imagine, the cast who were scheduled to open that night. They decided to honor his memory by performing the show as Jonathan would have wanted, his dad reminding everyone through tears that "the show must go on."

I was so touched by how much of himself this man poured into his work and how dedicated he was to creating something he felt that he had to do. I think that's what separates the greats from the ordinary - the feeling of knowing they're going to do something great or big with their lives and not making any excuses for it. This man's entire life revolved around the theatre - around writing music and creating stories that he felt in his soul he needed to tell. As an aspiring filmmaker, I can only hope to embody half of what Jonathan did and make some fraction of the impact on the cinema that Jonathan did to the world of musical theatre.

If you haven't seen RENT live on stage, I charge you to do so. You won't be able to leave the theatre without being moved or rocked or changed in some way; I don't care who you are. If you aren't able to see it on stage, the new movie does a pretty good job of conveying the emotion, although I might argue that buying the original 1996 cast recording on CD would be just as good. The best thing about buying the DVD is, in my opinion, this beautiful tribute documentary to Jonathan and his creation. His personal story is riveting and so emotionally compelling.

I want to make a movie about Jonathan Larson's life. Yeah, that's what I'm going to do. Anybody want to help? There is so much raw drama in the truth of his life that I don't think I could write anything better than what actually happened. He lived life just like the characters he created in RENT, knowing that we only have this moment, right here, right now. There's no day but today.

Thank you, Jonathan, for your contribution to the theatre and to all artists out there like me who want so badly to do something big.

Grounded

My parents never really punished me as a child - I guess I was just that good. (halo *wink*) But I'm here to announce that @ age 23 after one very special Sunday night in Los Angeles I can officially say that I've been "Grounded."

I've always been interested in being a performer for as long as I can remember. I still have the pictures of the time I donned two braided pigtails and drew freckles on my cheeks and sang "You Get A Line" (a song about fishing in a crawfish hole ) for the 2nd grade parents at a PTA meeting. (ps - only in Louisiana would this even happen)

I was an unstoppable showbiz phenom even then.

What followed were many years on the stage, a place where I felt very comfortable. From OLIVER TWIST to Shakespeare's A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM I jumped at any and every chance I had to be in front front of an audience. In high school I had to quit our community theatre so that I could devote more time to competitive acting. I traveled from school to school competing in tournaments in the events of humorous interpretation and duet acting. These victories were more personal, as most of the time I was performing for 10 minutes all on my own for a panel of judges. What a rush. In college performing took a little bit of a back seat to my major in Radio-TV-Film production due to the long hours I would have to spend in the studio or editing bay. I did, however, still find time to act and was glad to complete a minor in Theatre when it was all said and done. Cut to present day - Living in Los Angeles and working in Television. Sounds right up my alley, right? I've definitely learned a lot here, but I think the thing I've learned the most is that I don't want to be here anymore. And that's what brings me to Sunday night - the night that it became more evident to me than ever that I have to get out from behind this desk.

Here's what went down...

Two friends and I went to see a GROUNDLINGS show at their theatre on Melrose. Now, for those of you who aren't familiar with what the Groundlings are (or what a groundling is) I will kindly provide you with two different definitions:

A GROUNDLING (noun):
1) a poor person in Shakespeare's time who would pay one penny (which was nearly an entire day's wage) to stand in the area in front of the stage (aka "the pit") to watch the plays
2) a wickedly awesome improv comedy troupe that has bred some of the finest showmen (and showladies) of our time, including Will Ferrell, Phil Hartman, Lisa Kudrow, and Conan O'Brian (just to name a few)

I am, of course, referring to the latter of the two defs.

I sat there watching the show on Sunday and I was both inspired and a bit saddened. Okay, maybe not "saddened" but definitely jealous. Jealousy's a sin, I know I know. But it was the good kind of jealousy (spoken like a true crackhead...but crack's good for you, mom). Really. I was jealous of the smiles that they were putting on people's faces. As the show went on, I wanted so badly to be up there with them - creating characters, using wit, and evoking laughter. I think that's one of my most favorite things to do in the entire world - make people laugh. I just can't get enough! Now before you go and judge me on my "sense of humor" (reading this blog and thinking to yourself "her blog's not that funny...i bet she's not that funny either) just SHUT IT. I never said that I was a comic genius with impeccable timing and an unending wealth of jokery. I just like to make people laugh. End of story. Mary Kate and Ashley, blog audiences are hard to please!

So, I've decided that I am going to try my hand at improv comedy. That's right, kids. Momma's workin hard for her money, so hard for it honey. I do it anyway without an audience, so I figure why not add legions of adoring fans? And I'm not gonna front, the classes be expensive, girl! But that won't stop me cause I'm pretty sure that Jesus is a Groundling alumni so he can probably find a way to get me in. Hey, it's all about who you know in this business.

the play's the thing

I believe Bill Shakespeare when he told the world that it was a stage. The older I get the more I realize that his thoughts, unlike his initials, were not BS at all. I try to look at the world through his words, treating everyone I meet (man or woman) as an actor, a “player,” if you will. (PS – and in Los Angeles that’s not at all hard to do considering that most people actually are actors). Ponder, for a moment, this treat-let from AS YOU LIKE IT:

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,

I learned to recite this passage (actually, the passage in its entirety) at the ripe old age of, oh, let’s say 12. I even made the aforementioned my “senior quote” in the high school yearbook, so you know it’s been floating around on and off in my head for quite some time. The words are fairly simple, but the idea is pretty big stuff. “And one man in his time plays many parts” – that says a lot to me. What, you may ask? Lemme ‘splain…

In short: this passage, to me, takes a lot of pressure off of livin.’ Really. If all that this world amounts to is one giant stage on which we, through our lifetime, will play MANY parts, then I better get to some auditions fast! It’s all just one big show. The curtain rises at our birth and falls at our death and there’s a brief intermission somewhere there in the middle that for each of us is different. Some people consider their intermission a mid-life crisis. They come back to the theatre after going to pee and they’ve got a new sports car. Others take their intermission a little later, after retirement, using it as a time to “go outside and get some fresh air.”

Now let me clear up one thing real quick: the “many parts” bit doesn’t mean that we are all going around playing “characters,” per se. These “parts” that Bill (and I) speak of here are the natural progressions of who we are (or become) at different stages in our lives, mostly thanks to natural aging and/or the experiences we have along the way. These are parts we are "type cast" for, not the long shots.

I do agree that there are, though, definitely times where the costumes we don or the lines that we read are not entirely of our own choosing. Sometimes we even try to steal the limelight, knowing full and well that it's not our time to have the lead but wanting it so badly we can taste it. And sometimes we do forget that we're playing a part and get so wrapped up in it that we forget who we are outside of the theatre doors. But it makes sense that if the audience loves it, you’ll milk whatever character you can for all it’s worth. That's why I think some people are so unhappy. They start making a lot of money or start gaining some sort of fame and they feel like the only way to stay on the up is to play that character, whoever he or she is, for as long as they can. Some people just refuse to "grow up" or "move on" to the next Act. You've just got to. It's all metaphorical really and I'm sure that my thoughts here are not coming across as coherent and cohesive as I would have hoped. I'm forgetting my lines...

I always like to play the lead, I know that for sure. I'm very aware of what play I'm in at all times. Right now, for instance, I'm in a show that's sweeping the Great White Way entitled Chained to a Desk: The Assistant's Story. It's a real tear-jerker filled with monster diva ballads like "My Eyes Burn from this Computer" and "Papercut: Infection." You should get tix.

I guess I'm more rambling now, as my mind is being diverted. My director is yelling something to me from offstage. I better take my bow soon.

At any rate, next time you get a chance to stop and look around you just think about what old Bill said. Who's show are you watching? Or, perhaps more importantly, what part are you playing in it?

the art of the unseen

Tonight I went to a movie that got me thinking: the imagination is a crazy thing. Allow me to explain...

I went to see HARD CANDY, the movie about a 14 yrd old girl who meets up with a 32 yr old dude she befriends and flirts with in an online chatroom. Sounds like a lovely bedtime story, right? I can't really give anymore of the plot away, but I can tell you that things definitley go THRILLER on you! Well, anywho, the movie did make me think but not really at all about the disturbing subject matter. My mind pondered the way the movie was shot. It essentially takes places in one location, with 2 actors, in real time- not exactly the best formula for a thriller. But the movie WAS thrilling. How'd they pull that off? Well, the writing was pretty good and the acting was spot on but it was the directing and editing that made it a success. The director chose to shoot and edit the film using an age-old technique that would make even Alfred Hitchcock proud. Instead of showing the audience EVERYTHING, this movie left you to imagine what you WOULD see if you could. Why show us the monster when it's going to be 10x scarier in our minds? Here's where M. Night Shyamalan failed in SIGNS - he showed us the alien. Bad move, man. HARD CANDY capitalized on this technique and kept making you think you were about to see something bad or gross or disturbing but would never actually go there. You'd be teased, for sure, but were never allowed to see the "scary" parts of the film (although you saw them all too vividly in your own head).

So, this is just a note to all you filmmakers out there (ok, more like to myself): the imagination is a powerful thing. Don't underestimate it. Use it to your advantage. Your audience can make your movie so much better just by what their own imagination can bring to your film.

Cheers.

carpe diem

It only happens to me every once and a while but when it does, I become changed. About a week ago, I was sitting at my desk and had a total revelatory moment. Why have I allowed myself to wallow in something that I have the power to change? It was very Dead Poet's Society, sitting there having the desire to stand up on top of my desk and scream SEIZE THE DAY!

The basic epiphany boiled down to this: There's no reason to be unhappy if you don't have to be. With that simple thought, I made a decision that, while not easy, was right and true and honest. I'm still in the middle of figuring out the logistics of how to bring change into my life, but at least I know that where I'm going is a place of passion.

So, for all your artists out there, or anyone who feels trapped for that matter, I charge you to make a change. God has his hand in all of this so who are we to worry about what is to come? He knows our hearts more intimately than we do and He will protect us if we seek Him first and answer to our calling - whatever that may be.

I created this blog in order to make a public declaration that I am committed to following my true passions and loves, doing everything in love and trusting God's plan for me.

If you're worried that every post will be this heavy and deep, don't. I just had to get that out there. This is a place where, as my heading states, I will discuss all things artsy - from movies, to tv, to photography, to books and mags (yes, even Us Weekly). It's a commentary on creation in all forms.